Utopia Talk - Politics - how to make non-defective baby

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Utopia Talk / Politics / how to make non-defective baby

earthpig
GTFO HOer Wed Apr 26 03:33:24
How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to things like bread, and gluten, and peanut butter, and things that taste good, and democracy, and steak, and grapes, and lettuce, and all the other stupid shit that hipsters claim their children can't be around?

I do not want to be a hipster.

BTW, wife is pregnant.

zavyx
Member Wed Apr 26 03:59:26
Maybe the wife needs to eat all those sort of things whilst pregnant, so the kid gets used to it all in the womb?

Do you or the wife have any of those allergies now?

zavyx
Member Wed Apr 26 03:59:58
oh yea, congrats

zavyx
Member Wed Apr 26 04:02:56
I was speaking to a young waitress in a topless bar, and she told me about an old wives tale - the younger the mother is when she conceives, the healthier and more beautiful the baby will be; as women start holding off having families till later in life, this complicates things and increases the likelihood of abnormalities, defect, disease etc...

zavyx
Member Wed Apr 26 04:04:35
you've got to keep in mind, men produce new sperm every three days, (or after a load is shot) but women are born with their eggs, so their eggs are as old as they are.

patom
Member Wed Apr 26 04:30:28
Congrats, I hope everything works out. Now you will be on the ride of your life.

murder
Member Wed Apr 26 21:19:59

Congratulations on the piglet. :o)

"How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to ..."

Save that for later. For now, worry about fingers and toes, and every fucked up thing that can happen to a baby developmentally or during childbirth. Once you clear those hurdles, then a whole new set of nightmares begin.

If 10 years from now you're a hipster ... you're winning.

And no, I have no kids of my own.

Or of anyone else's. :o)

obaminated
Member Wed Apr 26 21:22:09
Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet.

earthpig
GTFO HOer Wed Apr 26 21:23:33
The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard, must be high profit.

murder
Member Wed Apr 26 21:36:31

"Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet."

What are you trying to do, kill the internet?

Cherub Cow
Member Wed Apr 26 22:07:47
Just make sure to conceive in secret and tell no one of the pregnancy. If the child is defective when born, cast it into the fetal graveyard to reject that would-be son of Sparta. If, on the other hand, the child is born of your good Spartan blood — free of defects — then at that time you can let it be known to the public and introduce it to the world's laws.

Hrothgar
Member Wed Apr 26 22:38:20
Let them play around and be exposed to dust and dirt often from infancy.

earthpig
GTFO HOer Wed Apr 26 22:39:42
@CC: Apparently it is no longer OK to tell your firstborn son that military service is mandatory. That tradition has like 5 generations behind it b/c I'm coincidentally the firstborn son of a firstborn son of a firstborn son etc.

Nimatzo
iChihuaha Fri Apr 28 00:11:47
The prevailing wisdom is that you have very little impact on the final results as a parent. All you can really do is ruin them. So don't do that.

I reason that my role is a mentor a guardian. I will facilite the opportunities depending on the needs of my child. He is his own person, he is not me. My job is not to protect and shield him, but to make him autonomos, independant and provide the fundamental skill set so that he may navigate the dangers

My job is not to raise a new me, but to tailor my mentoring around his specific needs. This is the working theory.

Congratulation daddy o :)

Paramount
Member Fri Apr 28 00:21:58
What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?

Aeros
Member Fri Apr 28 00:44:25
It is all about making sure your kid gets a healthy ecosystem of good Bacteria so the immune system does not freak out.

Vaginal birth is critical. Its gives baby its first "bath" of bacteria and fungus that naturally exist in mom. If you have to do c section, insist of having moms vag get swabbed and then rub it on baby.

Dont bathe her every day. Once a week is more then enough. This is essential as harmless bacteria are antagonistic to more hostile ones. It will also mean the immune system will be used to the skin being "dirty". This will help prevent everything from Acne to Eczema. After 1 year you can switch to baths every two days.

Super filtered rooms are likewise not ideal. Get her outside so she can breathe in the pollen and car exhaust. This will help prevent asthma and allergies.

And of course vaccinate on the reccomended schedule. Make sure mom eats lots of foods that are critical allergens while pregnant and while breast feeding. Which needs to happen, even if just for a short time.

This first year is all about teaching the immune system how to survive outside mom. Not getting that experience leads to bad outcomes down the road.

Nimatzo
iChihuaha Fri Apr 28 00:44:35
Kill him. Obviously a defective unit. It would mot be responsible to let loose another religious nutbag into the world.

Nimatzo
iChihuaha Fri Apr 28 00:47:13
Unless he is studying it just because he likes to read shit and be prepared for all the sebs and paramounts spewing nonsense about thing they themselves have never read. But I don't think that is what you meant. Death, I choose death.

Paramount
Member Fri Apr 28 00:53:28
Yup. It is a good start of life. Your mother should rub her vagina on your face.

Paramount
Member Fri Apr 28 00:56:29
Maybe you get extra protection from bacterias if your father rubbed his penis or ass on your face too. This needs to be tested.

earthpig
GTFO HOer Fri Apr 28 01:45:42
"What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?"

Go for it, it's a hilarious and entertaining book that features unicorns and whatnot.

Nimatzo
iChihuaha Fri Apr 28 05:33:07
Mother fucker I had forgotten about unicorn in the Koran.

Fred Felcher
Member Fri Apr 28 17:52:12
Do you know who the father is?

murder
Member Fri Apr 28 20:55:34

"Do you know who the father is?"

I hear it was some Marine.

zavyx
Member Sat Apr 29 02:51:27
throw the baby in a big pile of horse shit, let it roll around for a while.

Daemon
Member Sat Apr 29 03:06:55
As RoB isn't here: giving the mother a carrot juice diet is the best you can do for her and her baby.

"The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard"
The only important genetic test is the paternity test. So keep all the bills for the carrot juice, you may want your money back later.

Paramount
Member Sat Apr 29 03:12:03
Vitamine D and C are good.

McKobb
Member Wed May 03 00:08:47
Congrats on your upcoming piglet!

earthpig
GTFO HOer Wed May 03 21:57:44
Ty McKobb!

Turtle Crawler
Admin Fri May 05 20:42:47
Post a pict of your wife and it'll be pretty clear if the kid is defective or not.

Shes already preggy so you are too late =)

show deleted posts

earthpig GTFO HOer	Wed Apr 26 03:33:24 How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to things like bread, and gluten, and peanut butter, and things that taste good, and democracy, and steak, and grapes, and lettuce, and all the other stupid shit that hipsters claim their children can't be around? I do not want to be a hipster. BTW, wife is pregnant.
zavyx Member	Wed Apr 26 03:59:26 Maybe the wife needs to eat all those sort of things whilst pregnant, so the kid gets used to it all in the womb? Do you or the wife have any of those allergies now?
zavyx Member	Wed Apr 26 03:59:58 oh yea, congrats
zavyx Member	Wed Apr 26 04:02:56 I was speaking to a young waitress in a topless bar, and she told me about an old wives tale - the younger the mother is when she conceives, the healthier and more beautiful the baby will be; as women start holding off having families till later in life, this complicates things and increases the likelihood of abnormalities, defect, disease etc...
zavyx Member	Wed Apr 26 04:04:35 you've got to keep in mind, men produce new sperm every three days, (or after a load is shot) but women are born with their eggs, so their eggs are as old as they are.
patom Member	Wed Apr 26 04:30:28 Congrats, I hope everything works out. Now you will be on the ride of your life.
murder Member	Wed Apr 26 21:19:59 Congratulations on the piglet. :o) "How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to ..." Save that for later. For now, worry about fingers and toes, and every fucked up thing that can happen to a baby developmentally or during childbirth. Once you clear those hurdles, then a whole new set of nightmares begin. If 10 years from now you're a hipster ... you're winning. And no, I have no kids of my own. Or of anyone else's. :o)
obaminated Member	Wed Apr 26 21:22:09 Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet.
earthpig GTFO HOer	Wed Apr 26 21:23:33 The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard, must be high profit.
murder Member	Wed Apr 26 21:36:31 "Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet." What are you trying to do, kill the internet?
Cherub Cow Member	Wed Apr 26 22:07:47 Just make sure to conceive in secret and tell no one of the pregnancy. If the child is defective when born, cast it into the fetal graveyard to reject that would-be son of Sparta. If, on the other hand, the child is born of your good Spartan blood — free of defects — then at that time you can let it be known to the public and introduce it to the world's laws.
Hrothgar Member	Wed Apr 26 22:38:20 Let them play around and be exposed to dust and dirt often from infancy.
earthpig GTFO HOer	Wed Apr 26 22:39:42 @CC: Apparently it is no longer OK to tell your firstborn son that military service is mandatory. That tradition has like 5 generations behind it b/c I'm coincidentally the firstborn son of a firstborn son of a firstborn son etc.
Nimatzo iChihuaha	Fri Apr 28 00:11:47 The prevailing wisdom is that you have very little impact on the final results as a parent. All you can really do is ruin them. So don't do that. I reason that my role is a mentor a guardian. I will facilite the opportunities depending on the needs of my child. He is his own person, he is not me. My job is not to protect and shield him, but to make him autonomos, independant and provide the fundamental skill set so that he may navigate the dangers My job is not to raise a new me, but to tailor my mentoring around his specific needs. This is the working theory. Congratulation daddy o :)
Paramount Member	Fri Apr 28 00:21:58 What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?
Aeros Member	Fri Apr 28 00:44:25 It is all about making sure your kid gets a healthy ecosystem of good Bacteria so the immune system does not freak out. Vaginal birth is critical. Its gives baby its first "bath" of bacteria and fungus that naturally exist in mom. If you have to do c section, insist of having moms vag get swabbed and then rub it on baby. Dont bathe her every day. Once a week is more then enough. This is essential as harmless bacteria are antagonistic to more hostile ones. It will also mean the immune system will be used to the skin being "dirty". This will help prevent everything from Acne to Eczema. After 1 year you can switch to baths every two days. Super filtered rooms are likewise not ideal. Get her outside so she can breathe in the pollen and car exhaust. This will help prevent asthma and allergies. And of course vaccinate on the reccomended schedule. Make sure mom eats lots of foods that are critical allergens while pregnant and while breast feeding. Which needs to happen, even if just for a short time. This first year is all about teaching the immune system how to survive outside mom. Not getting that experience leads to bad outcomes down the road.
Nimatzo iChihuaha	Fri Apr 28 00:44:35 Kill him. Obviously a defective unit. It would mot be responsible to let loose another religious nutbag into the world.
Nimatzo iChihuaha	Fri Apr 28 00:47:13 Unless he is studying it just because he likes to read shit and be prepared for all the sebs and paramounts spewing nonsense about thing they themselves have never read. But I don't think that is what you meant. Death, I choose death.
Paramount Member	Fri Apr 28 00:53:28 Yup. It is a good start of life. Your mother should rub her vagina on your face.
Paramount Member	Fri Apr 28 00:56:29 Maybe you get extra protection from bacterias if your father rubbed his penis or ass on your face too. This needs to be tested.
earthpig GTFO HOer	Fri Apr 28 01:45:42 "What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?" Go for it, it's a hilarious and entertaining book that features unicorns and whatnot.
Nimatzo iChihuaha	Fri Apr 28 05:33:07 Mother fucker I had forgotten about unicorn in the Koran.
Fred Felcher Member	Fri Apr 28 17:52:12 Do you know who the father is?
murder Member	Fri Apr 28 20:55:34 "Do you know who the father is?" I hear it was some Marine.
zavyx Member	Sat Apr 29 02:51:27 throw the baby in a big pile of horse shit, let it roll around for a while.
Daemon Member	Sat Apr 29 03:06:55 As RoB isn't here: giving the mother a carrot juice diet is the best you can do for her and her baby. "The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard" The only important genetic test is the paternity test. So keep all the bills for the carrot juice, you may want your money back later.
Paramount Member	Sat Apr 29 03:12:03 Vitamine D and C are good.
McKobb Member	Wed May 03 00:08:47 Congrats on your upcoming piglet!
earthpig GTFO HOer	Wed May 03 21:57:44 Ty McKobb!
Turtle Crawler Admin	Fri May 05 20:42:47 Post a pict of your wife and it'll be pretty clear if the kid is defective or not. Shes already preggy so you are too late =)
	show deleted posts

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