Utopia Talk - Politics - how to make non-defective baby

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Utopia Talk / Politics / how to make non-defective baby

earthpig
rank Wed Apr 26 10:33:24 2017
How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to things like bread, and gluten, and peanut butter, and things that taste good, and democracy, and steak, and grapes, and lettuce, and all the other stupid shit that hipsters claim their children can't be around?

I do not want to be a hipster.

BTW, wife is pregnant.

zavyx
rank Wed Apr 26 10:59:26 2017
Maybe the wife needs to eat all those sort of things whilst pregnant, so the kid gets used to it all in the womb?

Do you or the wife have any of those allergies now?

zavyx
rank Wed Apr 26 10:59:58 2017
oh yea, congrats

zavyx
rank Wed Apr 26 11:02:56 2017
I was speaking to a young waitress in a topless bar, and she told me about an old wives tale - the younger the mother is when she conceives, the healthier and more beautiful the baby will be; as women start holding off having families till later in life, this complicates things and increases the likelihood of abnormalities, defect, disease etc...

zavyx
rank Wed Apr 26 11:04:35 2017
you've got to keep in mind, men produce new sperm every three days, (or after a load is shot) but women are born with their eggs, so their eggs are as old as they are.

patom
rank Wed Apr 26 11:30:28 2017
Congrats, I hope everything works out. Now you will be on the ride of your life.

murder
rank Thu Apr 27 04:19:59 2017

Congratulations on the piglet. :o)

"How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to ..."

Save that for later. For now, worry about fingers and toes, and every fucked up thing that can happen to a baby developmentally or during childbirth. Once you clear those hurdles, then a whole new set of nightmares begin.

If 10 years from now you're a hipster ... you're winning.

And no, I have no kids of my own.

Or of anyone else's. :o)

obaminated
rank Thu Apr 27 04:22:09 2017
Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet.

earthpig
rank Thu Apr 27 04:23:33 2017
The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard, must be high profit.

murder
rank Thu Apr 27 04:36:31 2017

"Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet."

What are you trying to do, kill the internet?

Cherub Cow
rank Thu Apr 27 05:07:47 2017
Just make sure to conceive in secret and tell no one of the pregnancy. If the child is defective when born, cast it into the fetal graveyard to reject that would-be son of Sparta. If, on the other hand, the child is born of your good Spartan blood — free of defects — then at that time you can let it be known to the public and introduce it to the world's laws.

Hrothgar
rank Thu Apr 27 05:38:20 2017
Let them play around and be exposed to dust and dirt often from infancy.

earthpig
rank Thu Apr 27 05:39:42 2017
@CC: Apparently it is no longer OK to tell your firstborn son that military service is mandatory. That tradition has like 5 generations behind it b/c I'm coincidentally the firstborn son of a firstborn son of a firstborn son etc.

Nimatzo
rank Fri Apr 28 07:11:47 2017
The prevailing wisdom is that you have very little impact on the final results as a parent. All you can really do is ruin them. So don't do that.

I reason that my role is a mentor a guardian. I will facilite the opportunities depending on the needs of my child. He is his own person, he is not me. My job is not to protect and shield him, but to make him autonomos, independant and provide the fundamental skill set so that he may navigate the dangers

My job is not to raise a new me, but to tailor my mentoring around his specific needs. This is the working theory.

Congratulation daddy o :)

Paramount
rank Fri Apr 28 07:21:58 2017
What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?

Aeros
rank Fri Apr 28 07:44:25 2017
It is all about making sure your kid gets a healthy ecosystem of good Bacteria so the immune system does not freak out.

Vaginal birth is critical. Its gives baby its first "bath" of bacteria and fungus that naturally exist in mom. If you have to do c section, insist of having moms vag get swabbed and then rub it on baby.

Dont bathe her every day. Once a week is more then enough. This is essential as harmless bacteria are antagonistic to more hostile ones. It will also mean the immune system will be used to the skin being "dirty". This will help prevent everything from Acne to Eczema. After 1 year you can switch to baths every two days.

Super filtered rooms are likewise not ideal. Get her outside so she can breathe in the pollen and car exhaust. This will help prevent asthma and allergies.

And of course vaccinate on the reccomended schedule. Make sure mom eats lots of foods that are critical allergens while pregnant and while breast feeding. Which needs to happen, even if just for a short time.

This first year is all about teaching the immune system how to survive outside mom. Not getting that experience leads to bad outcomes down the road.

Nimatzo
rank Fri Apr 28 07:44:35 2017
Kill him. Obviously a defective unit. It would mot be responsible to let loose another religious nutbag into the world.

Nimatzo
rank Fri Apr 28 07:47:13 2017
Unless he is studying it just because he likes to read shit and be prepared for all the sebs and paramounts spewing nonsense about thing they themselves have never read. But I don't think that is what you meant. Death, I choose death.

Paramount
rank Fri Apr 28 07:53:28 2017
Yup. It is a good start of life. Your mother should rub her vagina on your face.

Paramount
rank Fri Apr 28 07:56:29 2017
Maybe you get extra protection from bacterias if your father rubbed his penis or ass on your face too. This needs to be tested.

earthpig
rank Fri Apr 28 08:45:42 2017
"What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?"

Go for it, it's a hilarious and entertaining book that features unicorns and whatnot.

Nimatzo
rank Fri Apr 28 12:33:07 2017
Mother fucker I had forgotten about unicorn in the Koran.

Fred Felcher
rank Sat Apr 29 00:52:12 2017
Do you know who the father is?

murder
rank Sat Apr 29 03:55:34 2017

"Do you know who the father is?"

I hear it was some Marine.

zavyx
rank Sat Apr 29 09:51:27 2017
throw the baby in a big pile of horse shit, let it roll around for a while.

Daemon
rank Sat Apr 29 10:06:55 2017
As RoB isn't here: giving the mother a carrot juice diet is the best you can do for her and her baby.

"The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard"
The only important genetic test is the paternity test. So keep all the bills for the carrot juice, you may want your money back later.

Paramount
rank Sat Apr 29 10:12:03 2017
Vitamine D and C are good.

McKobb
rank Wed May 03 07:08:47 2017
Congrats on your upcoming piglet!

earthpig
rank Thu May 04 04:57:44 2017
Ty McKobb!

Turtle Crawler
rank Sat May 06 03:42:47 2017
Post a pict of your wife and it'll be pretty clear if the kid is defective or not.

Shes already preggy so you are too late =)

show deleted posts

earthpig rank	Wed Apr 26 10:33:24 2017 How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to things like bread, and gluten, and peanut butter, and things that taste good, and democracy, and steak, and grapes, and lettuce, and all the other stupid shit that hipsters claim their children can't be around? I do not want to be a hipster. BTW, wife is pregnant.
zavyx rank	Wed Apr 26 10:59:26 2017 Maybe the wife needs to eat all those sort of things whilst pregnant, so the kid gets used to it all in the womb? Do you or the wife have any of those allergies now?
zavyx rank	Wed Apr 26 10:59:58 2017 oh yea, congrats
zavyx rank	Wed Apr 26 11:02:56 2017 I was speaking to a young waitress in a topless bar, and she told me about an old wives tale - the younger the mother is when she conceives, the healthier and more beautiful the baby will be; as women start holding off having families till later in life, this complicates things and increases the likelihood of abnormalities, defect, disease etc...
zavyx rank	Wed Apr 26 11:04:35 2017 you've got to keep in mind, men produce new sperm every three days, (or after a load is shot) but women are born with their eggs, so their eggs are as old as they are.
patom rank	Wed Apr 26 11:30:28 2017 Congrats, I hope everything works out. Now you will be on the ride of your life.
murder rank	Thu Apr 27 04:19:59 2017 Congratulations on the piglet. :o) "How do you make a child unit, with a spousal unit, that isn't allergic to ..." Save that for later. For now, worry about fingers and toes, and every fucked up thing that can happen to a baby developmentally or during childbirth. Once you clear those hurdles, then a whole new set of nightmares begin. If 10 years from now you're a hipster ... you're winning. And no, I have no kids of my own. Or of anyone else's. :o)
obaminated rank	Thu Apr 27 04:22:09 2017 Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet.
earthpig rank	Thu Apr 27 04:23:33 2017 The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard, must be high profit.
murder rank	Thu Apr 27 04:36:31 2017 "Congrats, and ask a doctor, not a group of assholes on the internet." What are you trying to do, kill the internet?
Cherub Cow rank	Thu Apr 27 05:07:47 2017 Just make sure to conceive in secret and tell no one of the pregnancy. If the child is defective when born, cast it into the fetal graveyard to reject that would-be son of Sparta. If, on the other hand, the child is born of your good Spartan blood — free of defects — then at that time you can let it be known to the public and introduce it to the world's laws.
Hrothgar rank	Thu Apr 27 05:38:20 2017 Let them play around and be exposed to dust and dirt often from infancy.
earthpig rank	Thu Apr 27 05:39:42 2017 @CC: Apparently it is no longer OK to tell your firstborn son that military service is mandatory. That tradition has like 5 generations behind it b/c I'm coincidentally the firstborn son of a firstborn son of a firstborn son etc.
Nimatzo rank	Fri Apr 28 07:11:47 2017 The prevailing wisdom is that you have very little impact on the final results as a parent. All you can really do is ruin them. So don't do that. I reason that my role is a mentor a guardian. I will facilite the opportunities depending on the needs of my child. He is his own person, he is not me. My job is not to protect and shield him, but to make him autonomos, independant and provide the fundamental skill set so that he may navigate the dangers My job is not to raise a new me, but to tailor my mentoring around his specific needs. This is the working theory. Congratulation daddy o :)
Paramount rank	Fri Apr 28 07:21:58 2017 What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?
Aeros rank	Fri Apr 28 07:44:25 2017 It is all about making sure your kid gets a healthy ecosystem of good Bacteria so the immune system does not freak out. Vaginal birth is critical. Its gives baby its first "bath" of bacteria and fungus that naturally exist in mom. If you have to do c section, insist of having moms vag get swabbed and then rub it on baby. Dont bathe her every day. Once a week is more then enough. This is essential as harmless bacteria are antagonistic to more hostile ones. It will also mean the immune system will be used to the skin being "dirty". This will help prevent everything from Acne to Eczema. After 1 year you can switch to baths every two days. Super filtered rooms are likewise not ideal. Get her outside so she can breathe in the pollen and car exhaust. This will help prevent asthma and allergies. And of course vaccinate on the reccomended schedule. Make sure mom eats lots of foods that are critical allergens while pregnant and while breast feeding. Which needs to happen, even if just for a short time. This first year is all about teaching the immune system how to survive outside mom. Not getting that experience leads to bad outcomes down the road.
Nimatzo rank	Fri Apr 28 07:44:35 2017 Kill him. Obviously a defective unit. It would mot be responsible to let loose another religious nutbag into the world.
Nimatzo rank	Fri Apr 28 07:47:13 2017 Unless he is studying it just because he likes to read shit and be prepared for all the sebs and paramounts spewing nonsense about thing they themselves have never read. But I don't think that is what you meant. Death, I choose death.
Paramount rank	Fri Apr 28 07:53:28 2017 Yup. It is a good start of life. Your mother should rub her vagina on your face.
Paramount rank	Fri Apr 28 07:56:29 2017 Maybe you get extra protection from bacterias if your father rubbed his penis or ass on your face too. This needs to be tested.
earthpig rank	Fri Apr 28 08:45:42 2017 "What would you do if he wants to study the Koran when he is 18?" Go for it, it's a hilarious and entertaining book that features unicorns and whatnot.
Nimatzo rank	Fri Apr 28 12:33:07 2017 Mother fucker I had forgotten about unicorn in the Koran.
Fred Felcher rank	Sat Apr 29 00:52:12 2017 Do you know who the father is?
murder rank	Sat Apr 29 03:55:34 2017 "Do you know who the father is?" I hear it was some Marine.
zavyx rank	Sat Apr 29 09:51:27 2017 throw the baby in a big pile of horse shit, let it roll around for a while.
Daemon rank	Sat Apr 29 10:06:55 2017 As RoB isn't here: giving the mother a carrot juice diet is the best you can do for her and her baby. "The healthcare provider is really pushing all sorts of genetic testing hard" The only important genetic test is the paternity test. So keep all the bills for the carrot juice, you may want your money back later.
Paramount rank	Sat Apr 29 10:12:03 2017 Vitamine D and C are good.
McKobb rank	Wed May 03 07:08:47 2017 Congrats on your upcoming piglet!
earthpig rank	Thu May 04 04:57:44 2017 Ty McKobb!
Turtle Crawler rank	Sat May 06 03:42:47 2017 Post a pict of your wife and it'll be pretty clear if the kid is defective or not. Shes already preggy so you are too late =)
	show deleted posts

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